Delirious Viral Ramblings

Hello everyone.

So this week I have been mostly ill. As I am currently 90% unemployed, this is not good, as I have no work to be relaxing from. So I have spent the last four days basically watching TV. I am now completely and utterly sick of ANYTHING than can been shown on a screen. All the things I *DO* want to watch, I have seen toooo many times. Come on Mighty Boosh! Make more episodes! Come ON! GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!! Bah.

So I am so bored of things! And yes, I suppose there are lots of things I *could* do. Such as tidy my room, vaccuum, rewrite my CV. But all of these things are boring, involve energy, brain power, or muscles. And I am unwilling to involve myself with such effort. Also I *have* no brain anymore, I have a pressure cooking in stead. Sometimes when I blow my nose, a little of the pressure cooker vented into my ears or tear ducts with a popping cracking noise and the world turns upside down. That is in fact why I am doing this now. I am too dizzy to stand up so I have to occupy myself with my computer.

However fortunately I feel a little better now. I can tell I'm getting better, because all the stuff that was packed into my massive throbbing pressurey brain, has been coming out of my face. WOooop for a disgusting yet winning result!

So within the last few hours I have resolutely said "NO!" to continuing to sit down, and watching more of whatever is on Dave (our TV stand broke so now we use Dave the vagrant we found at a bus-stop) and I decided to make cake. Pumpkin cake to be exact. I am currently trying to balance boiling pumpkin into puree with not standing up for too long. It's going ok!

Here are some fun delirious noises:
Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhayyyyaaaaaaaaaa the world is up and down and fish and have you seen my spanner-dog? it looks like a spanner and barks like a dog! I need it to fix my -N YEEEEERRRRRR- medicinal potatoe dispenser! Maahahahaaa I's well frenked arf in fezzy McDingo I HAVE LOST --zzzzzz- MY FEET!! Red. Isn't it though. HISS.

That was very enjoyable. I shall have to do more of that later.

So I'm actually pretty disappointed with this illness. It's been rubbish. Not mild enough to enjoy dossing around; no-one around (like family members or a boyfriend) to fuss over and look after me; no vomiting or loss of apetite therefore there will be no weight loss and I'm not even reading any particularly good books which i can pour over all day in the absense of other things to do. So none of accidental benefits have occured at all.

Also, my neck is very big- glands and tonsils and things. I think, width wise, it prob now looks like i'm wearing a very smooth skin-coloured scarf. Massive neck fail. Unless I'm developing gills, which may be useful in the oncoming climatic apocalypse, I am extremely unimpressed.

WEEEEeeaaaaaaarrrnnnn-nya-nya-nya naaaaaaaaaaaaarrrr BRRAP in my soup Graham....Oh... :( Freeeeeeeee my gorilla printer to Granada in jam. Zaaaaaaarrrmmmmmm

Actually one interesting thing has come out of this illness. It is amazing how automatic the body is. I am intermittantly pretty dizzy at the moment (which as a bit of a surprise, my Aunt told me a few days ago that inner ear problems run in my family on both sides. Woop! I have a lifetime of this to come!). But even though I am dizzy and feel really disorientated and not in control of my body, my legs still walk me forwards, sit me down, take me upstairs etc. Woop! Auto-body for the win!! As a first aider I have walked technically unconcious people  from place to place, when stretchers/carry chairs etc were lacking, and even when unconcious, unresponsive, eyes shut etc, people can still put one foot in front of the other and carry their own weight....kind of. With encouragement and directional help on each side anyway.

So I won't continue to moan. Except that's all I have to say, as being ill and lying down is ALL I have done for the last few days.

Also- I'm going to go assess the failure of my pumpkin cake!

Love love xx

My Top 5 Ways to Improve the UK

Prompted by this http://www.bbc.co.uk/genius/ - I just *have* to throw my oar in. Sorry world.

My top five ways to improve the UK.

1) Mobile phones which play music outloud should be instantly confiscated and destroyed, and all unsold ones returned to factories, to have this remarkably anti-social function instantly removed.
Think of all the thousands of people on buses, trains, in the street, or just in daily life who are aggravated by being forced to listen to someone elses tinny distorted cruddy music? It's not the STYLE of music, it's the lack of free will not to listen. And the people playing it, who are so often doing it intentionally to show how cool and edgey their disrepect for other people is...

If users of said mobile phones are in school, meetings, libraries, "Quiet Coaches" etc, a socially cohesive community punishment may be served- which would bring others together for the postive purpose of removing this anti-social pest. E.g. being chained to a treadmill to power the school's lighting, or being made into compost for local allotments, etc.
 

2) All learner-drivers should have a minimum number of hours motorway driving practise before attempting their test. This is a sensible suggestion.

This would mean that people who are using the motorway WOULD BLOODY WELL KEEP LEFT (in the UK)!! YOU SHOULD DRIVE ON THE *LEFT*!! Then you can *OVERTAKE* on the right. If you are not overtaking something right now, YOU SHOULD BE LEFT!! And if you are on the RIGHT I hope you DIE HORRIBLY IN A SLOW AND BURNY WAY!

Rage caused by others misusing motorway lanes.

Not driving on the left, and causing others to slow or to be unable to overtake each other, should result in compulsary lesson or two on motorway driving and some kinda compulsory community helping activity- e.g. land maintenace, assisting with prison literacy programs, disability caring etc. By allowing offenders to pick their helpful activity you'd be optimising the chance that they may actually enjoy it and continue the worthwhile activity after the compulsory time limit. Alternatively, they could be used in the foundation of new road surfaces.


3) It should become a normal and pleasant occurance that frequently a different member of every work place bakes some kind of enjoyable confectionary. Including the boss. Once a week, or on different days to make it less routine and more exciting!

People who already have cake-day at their work have something to look forwards to, because, mmmm nom cake, and the person making the cake will enjoy the gratitude and compliments given by the co-workers. The participation of the boss will serve to help break down some of the social tension caused by the work hierarchy.

The other important thing about "cake-day" is that it would encourage everyone to practise, and then to experiment with their baking skills, and so to encourage them to be less reliant on pre-processed shop bought things, and rediscover the world of making stuff for yourself, so that the knowledge of cake is not lost to the take-away eating populace, and our children will know how to break an egg.


4) Disney films should become part of the primary school syllabus, along with idealised moral lessons in the classroom. This would basically just make everyone a nicer person, as when human nature kicks in and people behave in a less ideal fashion, they have a better starting position and so perhaps a better level of decreased behaviour.

Look at the love, friendship, appreciation of nature, and environmental importance featured in this little picture. See the bees in this pic are ideally coming towards us, rather than vanishing forever into the ether....

5) All automatic doors in shops, public buildings, basically anywhere should be removed. The only places where automatic doors may be permitted would be at supermarkets or airports- places where the things you are likely to be carrying, make doors difficult.

Automatic doors in shops for example, are a very bad idea because they open for much longer than people need them to, letting out heating and increasing the energy used to heat that building; they open accidently when you walk near them, again, increasing the money and carbon wasted through heating, and through opening the door, and they also encourage us to be lazy, as our arms get fatter and weaker every day. Shops who leave their doors open all the time are also culpable. Keep the heat in in order to ward of the climate apolcalypse and keep our arms fit and toned!

Save money, and help reduce Britain's bingo wings!

Birthday!

Today I had three different types of cake for breakfast. BECAUSE IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!! So there.

This week it has been my birthday. Yes. Well not quite a week:
Thursday- pretend birthday with mum, dad and youngest sister- see the cake in the previous post.
Friday- Lindy Hop Heaven where I got a birthday jam- Hurrah!
Saturday- little party at my house as (selectedly) pictured here (frog cake+thalidomide balloon, and various people). We made the frog cake red on the inside because real frogs are red on the inside, and no-one I invited was horrified. Or at least, no-one was too horrified to eat the cake.











Sunday...continuation of birthday cake and some swing,
Monday- today- my actual birthday.

Hurray. That's lots of birthday. Today is likely to be a lot less exciting but that's ok as lots of excitement has already happened. Karma gave me a couple of presents today in the form of some good books (Tom Holt's "The Better Mousetrap", and The Mighty Book of Boosh) being as new from the Oxfam bookshop. I also cashed some birthday cheques. Huzzah!!

Oxfam shops are brilliant. They mean I can go shopping and buy cheap things for me, and still feel like I'm being selfless and helping the world. Everyone wins. Hurrah! I highly recommend the world of the charity shop. Except for Mind in Headingley which smells like a 25 stone jogger has done a marathon, pooed himself, and then died under the table, 6 weeks ago.

Today I also opened my Gran's presents, which consisted of a book for 4 year olds about a witch called "No Room on the Broom", and a bird box. Going a bit do-lally? I shall continue to monitor this carefully. I don't know what to do with either item.

Other things.

I am extremely happy to see another series of That Mitchell and Webb Look. I love them both. but mostly David Mitchell. I enjoy ranty intelligent wit. We would host brilliant dinner parties. But would not feature on Come Dine With Me, because that show is *tripe*. I also don't mind his haircut, despite it's potential facism.

I am currently not at fencing because IT IS HOT and fencing is also hot, therefore to be fencing whilst it's hot is very unpleasant due to having to wear all protective clothing so as not to be skewered/horribly bruised. It's no Kendo, but it's also not curling. Curling would be more fun in this weather.
This means that I will finish my fencing lessons having no idea what is going on at all... hopefully Christina will teach me how to fence when it's not so hot.

Environmental Supplement:

I would like to encourage people to have a lil look at this site:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/breathingplaces/
If you have free time here are some little practical things you can do to encourage biodiversity. Things like leaving a corner of wild garden are particularly helpful if you have wild flowers with accessible pollen for bees (i.e. things that do not have tight flowers they can't get into). I would love a hedgehog home but I don't think really that Burley is a great place for them.

Light releif bit:

If you haven't seen this before, by Dan and Dan, it is exellent in many ways. Love.

xxx

Fish Update, and Pretend Birthday

Hello Y'all

Fish Update: The other fish died this morning. The tank is now empty, my father has dealt with all the dead fish water. I don't think they are going to get any more fish until my little sister next inadvisably brings one home from a fair. Everyone has reached my conclusion that fish are fairly ignored until they die. Ick.

Very excitingly today was my Official birthday- you know like the queen has two birthdays? Well I today was my birthday with my mum, dad, and sister-who-lives-at-home, Amelia. Mum, Dad and I went to Canterbury to look at pretty things, and I bought nice things. Also got nice presents. But nothing could be more exciting than this! I told Amelia that I wanted a dragon birthday cake. I was expecting a birthday cake with DRAGON written on in writing icing tbh because I didn't think anyone would have time/effort to do anything amaaazing.

BUT I GOT THIS!




ISN'T IT THE MOST AMAZING THING IN THE WORLD EVER!? This is where I get my mad cake making skillz. My mum even managed to find 24 candles!



Well done Mummy. No-one has wanted to cut up dragon yet, but will have to carve him to go back to Leeds tomorrow. Sad times for dragon. In case you were wondering, he is guarding a hoard of fudge. Mum and I had an argument which went something like this:

Me: Oh look! he could be guarding his treasure of fudge pieces!
Mum: He should have gold coins or something
Me: No, he should have fudge.
Mum: Dragons don't like fudge.
Me: I've never met a dragon that doesn't love fudge.

Thus I won.

Love!