Be the good you want to see in others

So first of all: “Be the good you want to see in others”?! This is really one of the cheesiest things that’s ever existed. But I really believe it’s true. It’s really hard to remember sometimes, when you have had a tiring day, or when someone has been irritating you, or someone comes across ignorant or even worse: Rude!

But it’s the mark of a better person to put those things aside and remember to be the good. We all forget it- often myself. I’m a massively cynical cow. But I try to do good- to influence people positively. It’s a perpetual struggle.

But we all know people who do this, who are constantly positive and kind, and they bring sunshine into the room with them. And I always think: “Wouldn’t it be great if there were more people like ____?” Well. Yes.

Yes it would.

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Today someone has been horribly hacked to pieces in Woolwich.

When things like this happen it is easy for us to think of the victim as one of us, loving son, good friend etc, and the murderers and inhuman monsters.

But unfortunately they are human monsters, and we made those monsters. Society created them. Their conflicts, which lead to this event, have been influenced by the people they have met, their schooling, their families, television, social media, and the whole web of images and thoughts that bombard us every day.

I believe that since people’s views and feelings are created by nurture and the people they meet in their lives. This means we can fix it.

You can fix it.

You are an immensely powerful individual. You can change another person’s whole day, with a smile, a friendly comment, a helpful gesture like picking up a dropped item or helping someone off a bus. You have the power to make a stranger feel positive, or negative.

You have the power to influence those around you, by doing mundane things: posting on facebook, tweeting, steering conversation, showing love and concern to your friends or even just asking how they are. It’s not just teachers who can teach.

You have the power to help people overcome their prejudices and expectations, by forgetting your own.

Use your power with good intent, and talk, smile, tweet for the good of mankind.

Maybe if those murderers seen more cat beards, or been taken to the zoo as kiddies, or had more kind accepting words from strangers in their lives, they would have taken very different paths.

You don’t have to be a teacher, or a public speaker, or a politician to change the world, to influence people for the good.

Be the change you want to see in the world. 

(It’s ok you can all go and vomit now. But do it with a smile!)

 

My Special Needs

I have been thinking a lot recently about "Special Needs". and I have had some very different experiences of it recently.

Example 1:
The other week I was doing a school talk at work for a group of children with a wheelchair user in it. This wheelchair user's problems were so severe that she keep almost leaping out of her chair to grab the children around her by the hair, and yank as hard as she could.

It took 3 teachers at one point to prise her fingers out of one girls golden curls, whilst another one stood with the girl, speaking calmly and comfortingly to her.

But the girl who was being attacked, and clearly in pain, sat quietly with her eyes closed, did not scream. Did not shout. Did not struggle. She just let it happen. She was used it it.

In fact the whole class was clearly so used to being attacked that no-one screamed. Or struggled. They didn't even really look or stare when she grabbed out again. In fact they didn't really react to anything much.

Including questions. They just sat silently, not reacting. They were used to not reacting...

Originally this worried me: after my talk my first thoughts were that the children were difficult to interest, because of the distraction they were so used to. They just didn't react.

But on second thoughts, further reflection and discussion with colleagues: On the really positive side, they just didn't react.

These children will grow up being tolerant and used to people with disabilities, they will not stare at a wheelchair user in the street, they will probably be more friendly and accepting to anyone they meet in the future with different physical or mental conditions.

They were more tolerant, and kinder, because of this, although also less reactive and less engaged.

For the wheelchair user herself, she got to be around loads of kids. To be involved in a way 20 years ago would be entirely inconceivable. I can't really comment further than that because I don't know enough about her - it could be she was extremely cognisant but from a strangers perspective it was impossible to know. But I think this is a good thing (intergration- not hair pulling: if hair pulling is going on the children should be spaced out enough not to easily reach, which is what happened after a few grabs).

Example 2:
Shortly after I had the above group, I did a Tudor tour for a small group of special needs kids. Remembering the wheelchair user I was apprehensive about how difficult it was going to be, and not looking forward to it.

Within about 5 minutes I was feeling very ashamed of this misapprehension.

These kids were one of the nicest, most attentive and kindest groups I had taken for ages. Possibly ever. They were the kind of kids I felt genuinely sad I would never see again after my tour. I still regret that at the end I forgot to take the time to tell them how great they had been, and how proud their school should be of their behaviour, knowledge and enthusiasm.

They were children of approximately 10-14 of mixed needs, and we ended up doing the tour at the level I would have done to enthusiastic 8-10 year olds.

They were the most involved I have ever seen- when I gave them characters in the house they walked in a different way, spoke in a different way, and improvised comedy dialogue in character. They were tolerant and kind to each other, particularly noticeable because of the mixed needs in the group, to a level much higher than you normally see in children this age.

Basically- these kids made me happy.

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These examples have stuck in my head recently, and made me challenge the way I see these learning needs.

By blogging about them here I have helped think about them myself, and hopefully helped others to think about disabilities, tolerance and happiness and the way they can fit together.

Finally: I want to bring to to your attention that technically *I* have learning difficulties. As do my sisters.
If you know me personally- maybe it will surprise you to know that on acception to university I was invited to come and register at disability services, and to be reassessed by a clinical psychologist. I was sent maps of where all the lifts and automatic doors on campus are, and I was offered physical assistants to help in my studies.

Because I am dyslexic. And even disability services couldn't get it right. A map of the lifts?? Really? Physical aid for going to the library?

Everyone makes misjudgements regarding people's learning needs, and even the specialists get it wrong.

Isn’t it nice to be nice?

I just had a really lovely weekend in Durham, dancing. But the thing that I always come away with from these weekends is almost firstly, most importantly, how great the people are.

Yes I had some fabulous dances, but I am always bowled over by the fun and generous spirit of the swing community and the dancers I know. And how fortunate I am to know them.

One of my favourite things they did at DJam was to give prizes to people, not for their dancing (although they did this, and Leeds dancers did us proud completely cleaned up), but for their general personal contributions to the weekend. I don’t know Malcolm personally who won one of those prizes for his amazingly enthusiastic and entertaining jazz which was great to watch, but I do know the wonderful Ben. And therefore how deserving he was of the other prize.

Ben is always enthusiastic and brings joy and vitality to everything he does. He is inclusive, honest and friendly to everyone, which is what the swing should be. Also, the first time I met him he was dressed as a French maid and wearing tights. I knew from then that we would get on well.
His dancing is creative, fun and adaptable. (I even forgive him one of the most extreme accidental lindy gropes I have ever experienced on Saturday- it was in pursuit of swingovation).

In short, we love you Ben and if they had made that award “people’s choice” I bet you still would have got it.

My other special mention goes to Les and Alison. They accommodated up to 12 people in their home this weekend. They refused kitty money to go towards our food and provisions etc, and were (as always) kind, welcoming, complimentary and generous hosts.
Les and two of the other hostees even came to rescue me when my car got stuck in the ice and snow on the way to his home, shovels in hands and yaktrax on boots ready to push the car out of the ice. Thank you!

But not just dancers- as a society we are always thinking about the problems. Behavioural issues, crime, the loss of community spirit etc. But we forget how kind most people can be in everyday life, and how much community there is in other forms.

On my way back home today I stopped in a petrol station in Leeds. The weather was horrendous, and my petrol cap was blown from the top of my car to really far under my car.
A motorcyclist at another pump could see I was having trouble trying to reach something, came over and offered to help. He lay down on the dirty wet petrol station forecourt to crawl under my car for me.

It was a lovely random act of kindness: he could so easily just have biked away without a second thought.


In short. Kindness makes the world go round. It’s all very well at being good a things: be it dancing, or music, or knowing about something :)  ; but they are nothing without a smile and a helping hand when needed.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

I google imaged "kindness" because I like a good illustrative picture in a blog. And I found a kitten probably entirely traumatising a duckling in the pursuit of Cuteness. Hurray! (I hope the duckling was ok after this encounter).

There is no such thing as a “bad dancer”

That’s it. That is the whole point of this post. I get wound up by those who insist on being negative about other dancers’ abilities or style.

Fortunately I live in a lovely scene where most people are quite positive about each other. But sometimes you hear these comments sneaking into conversations, exchanges, camps, on the internet, or in the back of a shared taxi to an after party when they think no-one is listening.

So here are my thoughts.

a) No-one was born knowing a specific form of dance.

Everyone was a beginner once, and everyone is somewhere on a learning curve.

You may be less experienced, or more experienced, but no-one is “bad”. Beginners are just beginning- be nice to them and help them have the enthusiasm and courage to begin to realise their potential and to feel good about it.

But they will take different amounts of time.

Some people take longer at stages of their learning curve than others, and some practise more or less. Some are at a natural advantage e.g. being very good at watching and replicating movements, and some may be disadvantaged, e.g. if they have never learnt a dance, or thought about rhythm before and find it more difficult than others. But that doesn’t make them bad, it makes them learning. Sometimes people will have been dancing for ages and moving very slowly on the learning curve - or have a plateau before moving on up. They are still learning. We are all still learning.

However it is possible to be an AMAZING dancer, or a good dancer, or a great dancer, or whatever else you want to say. Those are all positive terms so I am all in favour! (Though they are not descriptive, as “great” to someone may mean technically brilliant, where great to another may mean imaginative and fun, or really positive, or very comfortable or whatever else you may enjoy about them.)

A wise person knows there is always more to learn.

b) Its only dancing.

Now don’t get me wrong- I love dancing as much as the next swing-crazed camp-going exchange-organising lindy teacher and occasional choreographer. I love it.

For the feeling and the music, but largely because it is a very sociable and fun thing to do. I don’t do it to be the best (and I know full well I’m never going to be), I do it for the joy. Take away the social/fun/joy, and most people would probably go do Zumba or something instead.

Being an amazing technical “serious” dancer, does not make someone a nice, friendly, loving, fun or kind person. It doesn’t validate your humanity.

We all know people who have been a pleasure to dance with from day one, because of their enthusiasm, happiness and friendly personality. People who take an interest and are kind, regardless of what level of a camp you have booked onto. They may be extremely inexperienced, but never “bad”, because of all the “good” they bring with them.

We also all know people who are advanced/experienced dancers, but to put it frankly, twats.

c) Sometimes we just don’t connect…

Sometimes people just don’t dance particularly well together. They may both be really great experienced dancers, but sometimes people just don’t fit together as well as they will with other dancers.

Everyone has people they connect more with than others, and often it will be better given a second try, so if you have a dance with someone where you feel disconnected or even if it all goes wrong, have a laugh, have a chat, be super friendly, call it a warm up, and dance another.

If this doesn’t work- never mind. Sometimes people just don’t click as well.

There is a dancer in my scene who I could never dance with, especially as a beginner though it is better now.

A few years ago he said to me something along the lines of “It’s amazing how much you’ve progressed. You were a pretty challenging follow, at first.”

I thought it was hilarious. Talk about a backhanded compliment. But I also thought it was great, because when I was beginning he was always positive, encouraging and friendly, and always willing to dance. I was pants, but no-one said that to me- I would have been completely crushed and probably stopped coming to classes (because between you and me, internet, I’m a very sensitive soul and am not very good at taking things on the chin) but I tried, and improved because people encouraged me and gave me a chance.

d) The Exception.

The exception to the “there are no bad dancers” in my opinion, are when people make others uncomfortable. In terms of skill, I genuinely believe that everyone is learning and has potential and no-one should be “bad”.

However, the only things I would describe as “bad” are things that make people uncomfortable. If you do it accidentally once or twice, fair enough, but act within normal social parameters as you would to anyone else! Dancer or not!

It is not ok to lick a relative stranger, or touch them inappropriately, or to lead them through the medium of groin contact, or to tell them they are doing something wrong,  to do anything that physically hurts them.

Unless they as you to of course. If someone says “Hey, during this dance please stare unremittingly at my chest and then try to lick my ear”, then by all means go ahead, With relish.

Conclusion

So let’s not talk about “bad” dancers, or “shit” dancers or any other negative comments on learning/skill level.

Let’s talk about less experienced dancers, or beginners, or improvers, or “Dave- the one who always does the hilarious pecking” or “Jenny, who is a cancer nurse”, “Happy Lucy” or “Alan who does the plank at inappropriate moments” or whatever you want to do to describe someone. And feel free to use as many amazing positive phrases as you like!

Everyone has space to learn, and the best dancers in the world will mostly happily discuss things they are working on or things they are learning or devising.

If they can’t, they’re probably not the best dancers in the world.

Some of these dancers had only had two classes before they began learning this routine- but they are all FANTASTIC! Full of enthusiasm and ready to give it a go. That is what makes a "good" dancer, to me.

If we want the world around us to be a more positive place, we have to be more positive. "Be the change you want to see in the world."

This blog was brought to your by its sponsor Lemon, Honey, Duvet and Laptop, whilst nursing my proto-chest-infection that makes my lungs feel like they’re going to rip out and turn inside out every time I cough. Hurrah!
It is also brought to you by Inevitable Hypocrisy- I try to always say more/less experienced, but if you hear me say bad/good, forgive me. I try my hardest and please do correct me in a nice way, because I wrote this blog I'm clearly asking for it.

Gangnam Style Scottish Tudor Socks

So. I had a *lovely* time last weekend, swing dancing in Edinburgh with loads of brilliant people.

However, over the weekend I referred to, and made comparison with a variety of things, to be met with blank stares. So HERE are either a) a selection of random things which are hopefully entertaining or interesting or b) that thing I was talking about so now you understand/know a bit more.

Gangnam Style!

I was planning to Gangnam up my lindy a bit this weekend for comedy value. If you don’t know what this means – look here.

Gangnam Style, by Psy is number 1 in the charts of many countries and is a kinda K-Pop pastiche on people from the area called Gangnam.

“"Gangnam is a territory in Seoul, Korea. I describe it as noble at the daytime and going crazy at the night time. I compare ladies to the territory. So — noble at the daytime, going crazy at the night time — and the lyric says I am the right guy for the lady who is like that." Psy. Btw Oppa means kind of big brother/father/dad. So a mix between the colloquial “Brother” and the Jazz “Daddy” I think.

The Video is well known for being quite funny but I think is funnier for those familiar with Korean TV etc as it features loads of cameos by celebs. E.g. the guy in the lift is a TV comedian doing his “signature pelvic thrusts”.

Who knows.

The Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre

Do what they say on the tin. Have a look at these vids. Hopefully they will brighten your day. I have had the honour of seeing the Socks live in Harrogate a couple of years ago :D

Some Socks! 

Some more, this time Sci Fi related Socks.

 

Maximilian I

So. Henry VIII was Maximilian I’s (1459-1519, Holy Roman Emperor) biggest fan. He loved him greatly.

Maximilian was apparently his own biggest fan, so they would get on very well.

He was so enamoured with himself, apparently, that he made himself armours modelled on himself, with his own face on the helmet with massive rams horns and strange little prince-nez, and gave them to some of the kings of Europe, including Henry VIII. I am imagining Henry to be OMG SO EXCITED at this TO DIE FOR amazing gift from his hero, but today it is really very creepy to look at.  Not to mention astonishingly arrogant to a modern observer.

It is so striking it is used as the logo for the Royal Armouries in Leeds where you can go and see it for real.

Here is a pic.

And if you follow the link below you can see a video of a curator showing you it. Weird eh? But also amazing, and it gives us such an interesting insight

http://www.royalarmouries.org/visit-us/leeds/leeds-galleries/tournament-gallery/maximilian-i/the-horned-helmet-1-1

 

There was some more stuff too but I have entirely forgotten them. If anyone wants to prod me towards any of them please do!

Shared Earth

I just thought this was a wonderful and evocative picture.

From as young as we understand we are taught to share, not to hit our sister and so on. To play nicely. It's funny how quickly in life that is forgotten, or ignored. From the actions of drunks on a Saturday night, to the political conflicts between nations, and our impact on the environment and climate that we all share.

World. You have to learn to share. Or there will be no pudding (/Bangladesh). DON'T HIT YOUR SISTER!! She's much littler than you! (/less economically developed).

Catch up, Making Children Think, and Dads.

So. This year I seem to largely have forgotten to blog. This is mostly because facebook and twitter are absorbing most of my random outbursts and rants.

This means you may have missed out on some very exciting events. Here is a brief catch up since January.

“I just opened a door onto my own head. Either it was quite funny, or I hit my head quite hard.” 14^th Jan.

“I have made myself a snuggly warm giant fleece + duvet womb and im never ever coming out. Ever.” 10^th Feb. Needless to say this was not an accurate prediction of my future.

“RAAAAAAAA!!! (the noise of the massive graese/cholesterol chest burster currently gestating in my innards, will make.)” 15^th May

(Gap caused by the panic and general workload created by organising Leeds Swing Exchange.)

“If you were a saucy bar-mad/bar-man, what would your saucy bar-person name be? #MollyMelonsMcGrope” 23^rd August

“Is fretting about her dad who is in surgery right now having spinal things done. :( #lovesherdaddy” 24^th August. (He’s recovering well now btw)

“Found a pointy poppadom shard in my bed. #sexybachelorette” 2nd Sept.

So, now we’re up to date!

My New Daily Goal

My goal at the moment, is to make children (or adult visitors), think about something other than crisps.

This goal has always been there, but before, I always defined it as to inspire people to care about their own history, whether for the sake of loving their history or just to understand their cultural context, where we come from and who we are.

I have recently lowered my expectations of people quite considerably, so now the goal is to make them THINK. About anything. History- great, but if they think about the biology of whatever, or the way of building, or metalworking, or how to read the map of the archaeology, or basic maths, that is fantastic.

Even if it’s just getting them to work out what word sounds a bit like Penninger and we use in our money. And it’s a small value coin today. And it’s brown. Any guesses? No. Not penguin. 

But if you guessed penguin (child of 5-6) at least you thought about it, and gave it a stab, and voiced your idea, and gave everyone around you a bit of a chuckle. That is a *good* thing. But my favourite answer will always be “Flamingo.”

Parents who tell your child the answers when I ask them questions to work out or things to spot- you are not helping.

You are not helping them to use their brain, to problem solve, to think. You are teaching them to parrot rather than understand, and don’t credit them with enough intelligence to work it out themselves, which will not encourage their self-esteem or development. Alternatively you want to show you know the answer. Well that’s ok, but let you’re kiddie have a go first.

Basically, my aim is to SAVE HUMANITY, because kids who don't think will soon be adults who don't think.

 

My Delicate Female Emotions and Dads.

Dad had some spinal surgery a week and a bit ago. He had been incapacitated, unable to walk or move with intense pain and immobility for about 3 weeks prior to that, and since his spine has been fiddle with he is no longer in pain and able to move much more than he could. Unfortunately now his muscles have shrunk and weakened and his fitness level is incredibly low, but he is def on the mend.

I was very emotional and stressed about this at the time of the operation and a few days before. I knew that the odds of the operation were good, but general anaesthetics and fiddling with spines are dangerous! And I am super-extra-sentimental about my Daddy, and about anything to do with dads and daughters.

 Anything that discusses the relationship between a dad and daughter is pretty much guaranteed to make me cry within about 30 second of the subject being introduced.

Dad: the source of my "unique" and free sense of humour.

But then I am always a bit of a leaky tap and ready to cry at the

mildest familial affection or tragedy in any book, film, advert, tv program or even thought. The VW Polo Advert about the devoted dad looking after his daughter is a good example. I didn’t watch it when I found this link because I know it has me in floods of irrational tears the moment I think of it.

It’s *incredibly* embarrassing for a modern, adult, independent woman who suffers idiots extremely irritably. Get a grip! I am the sort of person who wrote one of these reviews. I am not a Victorian feeble minded female swooner. So I do sometimes feel like a bit of a traitor to my emancipated gender and brain.

I also love baking, crafts, children and kittens. If I'd been born pre-WWII I probably would have been very happy as a housewife and mother. (TRAITOR!! Cries my emancipated educated brain).

 

Today Dad told me that the araldite holding his spine together fell out today. Mmm yum. He means the tissue glue holding the would together. He said he was worried that his brain would fall out. I told him, not unless his brain is in his lumbar spine. It’s his spinal cord that might fall out. “Well. That’s ok then!”

So that’s probably enough rambling for today.

Will try blog again soon, more frequently than every 6 months.