Day 4 of Fabulous Advent Calendar of Festive Wonder

Happy 4th Day of Advent: open the classier and beautiful door below!

This track combines my love of Christmas with my love of where I am from (i.e. Sussex), traditional music, choral singing and beautiful historical places. Hurrah! How could you lose.

I hope you enjoyed it.

Festive Love. x

Helena's Beautiful Festive Advent Calendar of Joy

So for the first few days of Advent I had neither calendar or candle! So I decided to mark these days in my own way, by making a facebook advent calendar linking to Christmas themed things.

Today I got a real chocolate advent calendar, and behind doors 1, 2 and 3, where flighteningly mishapen almost-characters. One may have been a snowman, before his head was melted. Another may have been Santa. With neurofibromatosis. The Elephant Santa.

So I've decided this way is better, and to make it last longer and put it all in the same place, in blog form.

Just so you know- the first day's delightful surprise does not indicate that all the other days will follow in the same manner.... So don't be put off.

1st December 2011

Open the first door!! (go on, click on it.)

Wooo... If all went correctly in internet there should have been some rocking around of Christmas trees, a cameo of Rolf Harris and Santa bursting out of a massive present with a saxophone?

Excellent.

2nd December 2011

(you may want to bing the bell before you open this door)

Hurray!!

3rd December 2011

Hurrah! This was a bit of a find. It is quite hard to find people of this period with videos on youtube when looking for something specific- i.e. Christmas music, in a particular film or whatever.

Check back soon to open the next doors :D

Festive love xx

Happy Winterfest! Dealing positively with the inevitable disappointments of Christmas

*WARNING* This is one of the sappiest posts I have ever written. I make no apologies however, as it is genuinely how I feel. But if you don't appreciate talking about festive joy and love here are some comedy ideas of the day I was kidnapped by Lesbian Pirates From Outer Space and The Baby-Safe Ball.


 Since I was very little, Christmas has been the most EXCITING, beautiful, joyful and happy experience of my year. I used to sing Christmas carols from July- any time after my birthday was fair gain for Christmas anticipation. It seems to me, a time of year where the whole object is to make each other happy, spend time together, make everything beautiful with lots of decoration, make nice music, eat loads of nice things, and a time where we were closer to magic than any other time. It was the most exciting and wonderful time in the world.

Here is a case in point. This is a happy little me, dressed up for the School Christmas Fair- excited pre winning a prize for the costume and being in the paper with the other winners and Father Christmas! We all knew Father Christmas was really Bill the school caretaker in a big fake beard really, but it was great in all ways :)
I did not know what wonders were to come!

 

Aaaahhh those Halcyon days...

However. As you grow up Christmas day becomes more and more of a disappointment every year. Even with my "being in Christmas" trick of lying with my head under the Christmas tree, looking up through the lights and decoration, which I discovered as a teenager when i wanted to try to capture some magic. And yes I still do this.

It is just another day. Especially in my house, were due to a certain relative being there we cannot do what we want with it, and enjoy our family Christmas which means so much to me. In stead we sit around in silence, being told we're doing everything wrong. 

This makes me immensely sad, because I still love Christmas and all that goes with it. Everything I've written after this I have deleted and rewritten. I still don't know how to put it, other than our Christmas has been stolen, unappreciatively, for the sake of being "polite". So I'll move on.

As really Christmas is one single day, there is so much pressure to have an *AMAZING* day, which will rarely ever happen as an adult. So my way of dealing with this is to think of Christmas as a whole season. A period of approximately a month in which we can celebrate. Of course the presents and big meal and stuff will happen on the 25th, but the parties and celebrations and fun, singing, even other Christmassy meals, social gatherings etc can bring joy and love to people any time around this time of year, and make the Christmas experience longer and fuller.

This video is pretty much the summation of my Christmas feelings. Muppets Christmas Carol is one of my favourite films, and is wonderfully touching and inciteful, and this is a brilliant number. But it doesn't have to be just for a single day.

So basically I am encouraging you, if you have lost the joy of Christmas a little, to think of it as a season, a few weeks, in which to spread joy, to be generous, to spend time with friends and family, buy a Big Issue, make interesting cakes for work, partake in a charity event, make things around you beautiful. wish strangers a happy Christmas, smile at people as you pass them in the street, sing and be merry.

These things will brighten many more days than your own.

It is the summer of the soul in December. In all the places you find love it feels like Christmas.

xxx

THE BIG FREEZE COMETH

THE BIG FREEZE COMETH

Our lakes and rivers, even the sea will freeze as solid and grey as fish-imbued iron, our eyelashes and beards white with ice, all our pipes will burst leaving our houses a solid waterfall of icicles, and travel will be impossible unless you happen to own a snow plough. Polar bears will migrate south and be found rummaging through our bins in the morning, and hitting a lumbering walrus as you drive to work will become a real and present threat. And we will all resort to eating our pets and relatives as trapped inside our houses, food grows short.

This is what shall occur when The Big Freeze cometh.

Or so says the papers (some of the more alarmist ones anyway…) And this year I’m inclined to believe them. Except for the fish-iron and cannibalism. Urban-Polar bears would be quite cool too.

As one of the “born to be mild” generation, the last few years have taken me by surprise, along with most other people under 40. Having never really had to deal with any real quantity of snow until the last few years it’s all been a bit surprising.

*This Year* though- I will be prepared.

I feel pretty ahead of the game already, having learnt to bleed a radiator last week. I have also been stocking up on tinned food, UHT milk, tea bags, frozen food, candles, and things like that. I’ve also tried to help my parents stock up on wood for their wood burning stove.

They’re both a bit injured right now. But their injuries are mildly amusing so I’ll detail further:

Mum: In a *FRENZY* of housework she managed to rupture a tendon in her finger. So she has a painful floppy finger. It is now in a splint to help it heal straight, rather than at an alarming angle. This means she’s having manual dexterity issues.

It also means that, as she is a GP, she is told by her patients at a rate of approx 1 per hour “Oh ho ho! You should see a doctor!”
This means she is also at constant risk of accidentally embedding a scalpel in someone’s face.

Dad: Dad ran down some concrete steps outside a service station, slipped on some slime, and landed his whole body weight on his shoulder- thus tearing something bad and meaning he can’t really use his left arm much, pick stuff up, chop wood etc.

As a result my Gran has trying to buy him some ill-advised crampons. She has been told that crampons on concrete aren’t necessarily a good idea, but she is not to be deterred. It’s a repeat of the lawn-aerating-shoe spikes she bought us all over again. She’ll be TERRIBLY and constantly offended if said crampons aren’t worn every day in all situations. Including funerals, surgery, and in the supermarket.

So anyway: these things mean that mum and dad do not have a big happy log store like they have in previous years which is one of the main reasons I *have* to get home soon, and before December. So I can go mad with an axe.
The other is to pick up my jingly reindeer horns etc.

If the Big Freeze cometh not, it shall be a bit of an anti-climax to be honest. This year I’m mentally mega prepared so it’d better snow!

So everyone: my message to you is to stock up on lots of tinned/tetra-packed goods, fuel if you use it other than from the mains. Make sure you have blanket/deicer/water etc in your car. Dishwasher salt so you can de-ice your path/steps too, because that always sells out reeeally quickly when there’s ice.

This is not the article I read re the Born to be Mild generation, but it is a little one you can read without having to pay or subscribe to the eMetro.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/8852756/Young-Britons-cant-bleed-a-radiator.html

Also this year, hopefully if we are all prepared, and expecting it, we will be able to appreciate and admire the beauty of the snow, and enjoy it, mess around it in, and still be able to function and travel around.

Rather than just complaining about it. *Ceaselessly*. Please.

Found sheltering in our shed during The Big Freeze

Wouldn't it be nice if snow could be a beautiful thing, rather than an annoying thing?
Well... It can!

Roadside Sculpture

Life needs to be a bit more exciting. And we can all do something, small things or big things, to make everyone happier and enjoy every day life a bit more. For this reason, I love roadside scultpure, interesting street art and things like that. I love THESE particularly.

  

Don't they just make everything so much more interesting? I'm not sure this is actually up anywhere.  I think it's just an illustration in the book mentionned in the link above. But it's awesome anyway.

As is this.

This is a real sign! In Leeds by the canal. And it makes people look twice, laugh, question it, want to know why? Hopefully it's never made anyone actually jump into the sea?

But there is good interesting and bad interesting. This falls somewhere in between.

It is beach-side sculpture from a beach near Kippforth in Dumfireshire. It involves REAL DENCHERS. It is also a kinda monster lobster thing with an extra head budding from it's back. WITH REAL DENCHERS. Aaaaarrrghhhh...
Pretty horrid. But it added interest to our day at least!


Roadside Sculpture is also available in "life + people" form. Doing interesting unexpected madness or random acts of kindness. A beautiful example of this was exemplified by Alan after swing the other week. He did a mid-pick-up-plank in order to earn a pint. He ran up to this girl at random, told her she looked pretty, stopped to tie his laces, and then went down in a face down plank on the pavement, whilst she and her friends walked around him laughing and shocked. It was abolutely hilarious and I now want Alan to accompany me everywhere just to fill life with hilarity. And those girls had a fabulous story to tell their friends,and spread the comedy around.

In terms of feel good Life-Roadside-Sculture, this is fabulous http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQ3d3KigPQM . Imagine being in the station when this was going on? Imagine being one of the people who *created* this! Who is bringing joy to everyone else's day.

So I'm trying to think of things I can do to be productive and creative and bring joy and interest to other people. At work we've been doing a cool trading thing recently- a girl makes awesome things out of burning wood into different patterns, and I am trading her some pretty wooden things, for some wood and a glass candle holder from when i used to paint glass. So trading pretty things is fun. Also, by organisng swing events I feel I can make people happy. What else? I'd love to organise a flash mob. And I thought I might hang some pretty things from the tree outside my house to interest passers by.

What could you do?

Lots of love xx

I am a "chum"!

Today I realised that this blog is actually listed as a "chum" of Lindy Fridays! Therefore I feel the need to make myself at least minorly worty and actually write a post.
(I realised I typed worty, rather than worthy, just then, but it amused me so I decided to leave it in.)
So anyway- here are some amusing thoughts or occurrences of recent times.

On my way home from work today I witnessed one of Britain's largest inhabitants, riding home on a motorcycle.
I don't know if you've ever seen a really fat man on a motorbike, but it really surprised me. His whole body rippled in the breeze. I know it was probably exaggerated by the rippling of his jacket, but he was wearing tight leathers, so I don't know there was much space in there for extra air currents.
Also it amused me because he was the width of more than two of the bikes he was on, and it was a chunky bike.
Now I know this sounds mean, and there is no reason he should not be biking. In fact I have no way of defending myself, because it is mean, but it was also funny.

Many things in life are mean, but also funny. Sorry.

Other amusing things- I recently went back to Twitter after a period of meh. Here are some of my favourite forgotten tweets from long ago. By me of course:
"I wish there were dinosaur ghosts (re @eddieizzard ) cos then victorian mediums would become possessed, roar, stomp around + eat the vicar."
"I dont think it's OTT to be wishing my ex-boyfriend would be mangled horribly just so that i don't worry about bumping into him in the pub?"
"wearing snow boots which are so warm I don't need to wear anything else. But I wudn't do that to the world, so I'm also wearing humous+jam."
Sigh. God I'm hilarious.

Am considering hilarious girls night out speed-dating with friends. Here are some potential questions we're going to ask the unfortunate men we meet.
Would you rather have nipples for eyes, or a penis for a nose?
If you were going to have a book bound in your own tanned skin after death, as a present for your grieving relatives, which book would it be?
If you were a Cluedo Solution envelope, what three cards are inside?
If you were a 20th C Naval battle, which would you be and why?
Whose house??

Let me know if you have any more exxceeellent questions

Other things I am enjoying right now:
BOAST BATTLE! By the FABULOUS Horrible Histories. Who should be knighted and showered in truffles and the other kind of truffles, day and night, and have top priority with the TV remote at all times.

Also - SMBC webcomic has some good funnies :D I like this one.


Ur. I think that's about it for this moment as I am exhaaaaausted after work, and swing, and eating some beautiful Wagamamas din dins, and then deciding to write a post to demonstrate my continued survival.

Here is an inspiring picture to help you with all your endevours, I hope it helps.

Urr....

Hang on.

Try this one in stead.

Good night lovelies.

Quarter Life Crisis

As I near my quarter-century birthday I have been prompted to re-evaluate my life.  This evening my housemate asked me the question, “do you ever just think your life is pointless and going nowhere?” And I replied, “yes, but I tell myself it’s because I’m young, and all the things I want will come with time.”

Is that true? I am now at an age where I am expected to be financially independent, and achieving my life goals! I must accept that I am no longer a student!

So I am making a list of things I want to have, or achieve, in my life, and thinking a bit more about how I can start to win a bit more at life.

E.g. I have always wanted to be a novelist.

How am I going about achieving this? By not writing a single thing in over 3 years.

Excellent.

E.g. 2. I have always wanted to get fit and healthy and STAY like that (this is the trick. I was very fit and healthy for me in 2004 and 2008…maybe 2012 will bring me fitness!).

I am failing to achieve this by going to the gym maybe once in 2 weeks. I do lots of swing dancing too, but I know this won’t really have a massive effect as I am lazy, and do it only a few times a week. And I am at a level where I now expend very limited energy when dancing.
Yesterday was a severe token gym day and today I can’t walk, so let’s leave that by the wayside right now.

 

E.g. 3. I want to be able to speak another language well, so other people think I’m cool for being bilingual. Also so that I am bilingual.

I am accidently improving my French at work, because we get daily influxes of horrible French teenagers. So I get a lot of practise saying things like “Please be quiet”, “please don’t take photographs here”, “Please calm down!”, “don’t touch that, it is a thousand years old!”, and all sorts of other exasperated things. But that’s going reasonably well.

Therefore this evening I am going to pick up “Harry Potter et la chamber des secrets” again. That’s learning right?

E.g. 4. I want a lovely man.

I automatically defend myself from all lovely men by letting them know (directly or indirectly) that I am rubbish at flirting, and psychologically damaged by previous horrible men, and then making terrible jokes all the time = friend zone. I must stop doing this.

E.g. 5. I want to spend lots of time with my family

I love my family greatly, and spend very very little time with them. I live 6 hours north of home, and hardly ever get back to see them. I know I will regret this in the future.

E.g. 6. Career?

That’s more of a plea to the universe that anything. I am pretty lucky to even have a job at the moment. Hopefully, after paying my dues to the heritage world in the world of front of house staff, I will eventually get a job organising others or doing something else… maybe events? That’d be cool.

E.g. 7. Be actually good at music!

I have a reasonable voice, piano, 2 guitars, violin and cello. And Kazoo. And I have to say the thing I have practised most recently is the Kazoo. Wrong. This I blame largely on facebook. My poor lovely instruments. I have a good grounding in all except the cello (which was bequeathed to me and I have yet to find a teacher and actually give it a go), but I do nothing with it. Badness.

There are many more examples of things I feel I should be doing. E.g. being financially independent of parental help somehow…

Basically I am making a new June resolution which is to live life to the full, get my world in order, take lots of opportunities, and get as much fun and enrichment out of life as I can. In the short term this will involve boring things like trying to get a rebate on overpaid tax, doing hard slog at the gym, writers’ block etc. But fingers are crossed that pay offs will be had.

And if all that fails maybe I can be a sleuthy lady solving murders all over the world and helping local police whilst trying to vindicate my various random friends and family members from murders they did not commit.