Be the good you want to see in others

So first of all: “Be the good you want to see in others”?! This is really one of the cheesiest things that’s ever existed. But I really believe it’s true. It’s really hard to remember sometimes, when you have had a tiring day, or when someone has been irritating you, or someone comes across ignorant or even worse: Rude!

But it’s the mark of a better person to put those things aside and remember to be the good. We all forget it- often myself. I’m a massively cynical cow. But I try to do good- to influence people positively. It’s a perpetual struggle.

But we all know people who do this, who are constantly positive and kind, and they bring sunshine into the room with them. And I always think: “Wouldn’t it be great if there were more people like ____?” Well. Yes.

Yes it would.

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Today someone has been horribly hacked to pieces in Woolwich.

When things like this happen it is easy for us to think of the victim as one of us, loving son, good friend etc, and the murderers and inhuman monsters.

But unfortunately they are human monsters, and we made those monsters. Society created them. Their conflicts, which lead to this event, have been influenced by the people they have met, their schooling, their families, television, social media, and the whole web of images and thoughts that bombard us every day.

I believe that since people’s views and feelings are created by nurture and the people they meet in their lives. This means we can fix it.

You can fix it.

You are an immensely powerful individual. You can change another person’s whole day, with a smile, a friendly comment, a helpful gesture like picking up a dropped item or helping someone off a bus. You have the power to make a stranger feel positive, or negative.

You have the power to influence those around you, by doing mundane things: posting on facebook, tweeting, steering conversation, showing love and concern to your friends or even just asking how they are. It’s not just teachers who can teach.

You have the power to help people overcome their prejudices and expectations, by forgetting your own.

Use your power with good intent, and talk, smile, tweet for the good of mankind.

Maybe if those murderers seen more cat beards, or been taken to the zoo as kiddies, or had more kind accepting words from strangers in their lives, they would have taken very different paths.

You don’t have to be a teacher, or a public speaker, or a politician to change the world, to influence people for the good.

Be the change you want to see in the world. 

(It’s ok you can all go and vomit now. But do it with a smile!)

 

My Special Needs

I have been thinking a lot recently about "Special Needs". and I have had some very different experiences of it recently.

Example 1:
The other week I was doing a school talk at work for a group of children with a wheelchair user in it. This wheelchair user's problems were so severe that she keep almost leaping out of her chair to grab the children around her by the hair, and yank as hard as she could.

It took 3 teachers at one point to prise her fingers out of one girls golden curls, whilst another one stood with the girl, speaking calmly and comfortingly to her.

But the girl who was being attacked, and clearly in pain, sat quietly with her eyes closed, did not scream. Did not shout. Did not struggle. She just let it happen. She was used it it.

In fact the whole class was clearly so used to being attacked that no-one screamed. Or struggled. They didn't even really look or stare when she grabbed out again. In fact they didn't really react to anything much.

Including questions. They just sat silently, not reacting. They were used to not reacting...

Originally this worried me: after my talk my first thoughts were that the children were difficult to interest, because of the distraction they were so used to. They just didn't react.

But on second thoughts, further reflection and discussion with colleagues: On the really positive side, they just didn't react.

These children will grow up being tolerant and used to people with disabilities, they will not stare at a wheelchair user in the street, they will probably be more friendly and accepting to anyone they meet in the future with different physical or mental conditions.

They were more tolerant, and kinder, because of this, although also less reactive and less engaged.

For the wheelchair user herself, she got to be around loads of kids. To be involved in a way 20 years ago would be entirely inconceivable. I can't really comment further than that because I don't know enough about her - it could be she was extremely cognisant but from a strangers perspective it was impossible to know. But I think this is a good thing (intergration- not hair pulling: if hair pulling is going on the children should be spaced out enough not to easily reach, which is what happened after a few grabs).

Example 2:
Shortly after I had the above group, I did a Tudor tour for a small group of special needs kids. Remembering the wheelchair user I was apprehensive about how difficult it was going to be, and not looking forward to it.

Within about 5 minutes I was feeling very ashamed of this misapprehension.

These kids were one of the nicest, most attentive and kindest groups I had taken for ages. Possibly ever. They were the kind of kids I felt genuinely sad I would never see again after my tour. I still regret that at the end I forgot to take the time to tell them how great they had been, and how proud their school should be of their behaviour, knowledge and enthusiasm.

They were children of approximately 10-14 of mixed needs, and we ended up doing the tour at the level I would have done to enthusiastic 8-10 year olds.

They were the most involved I have ever seen- when I gave them characters in the house they walked in a different way, spoke in a different way, and improvised comedy dialogue in character. They were tolerant and kind to each other, particularly noticeable because of the mixed needs in the group, to a level much higher than you normally see in children this age.

Basically- these kids made me happy.

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These examples have stuck in my head recently, and made me challenge the way I see these learning needs.

By blogging about them here I have helped think about them myself, and hopefully helped others to think about disabilities, tolerance and happiness and the way they can fit together.

Finally: I want to bring to to your attention that technically *I* have learning difficulties. As do my sisters.
If you know me personally- maybe it will surprise you to know that on acception to university I was invited to come and register at disability services, and to be reassessed by a clinical psychologist. I was sent maps of where all the lifts and automatic doors on campus are, and I was offered physical assistants to help in my studies.

Because I am dyslexic. And even disability services couldn't get it right. A map of the lifts?? Really? Physical aid for going to the library?

Everyone makes misjudgements regarding people's learning needs, and even the specialists get it wrong.

Isn’t it nice to be nice?

I just had a really lovely weekend in Durham, dancing. But the thing that I always come away with from these weekends is almost firstly, most importantly, how great the people are.

Yes I had some fabulous dances, but I am always bowled over by the fun and generous spirit of the swing community and the dancers I know. And how fortunate I am to know them.

One of my favourite things they did at DJam was to give prizes to people, not for their dancing (although they did this, and Leeds dancers did us proud completely cleaned up), but for their general personal contributions to the weekend. I don’t know Malcolm personally who won one of those prizes for his amazingly enthusiastic and entertaining jazz which was great to watch, but I do know the wonderful Ben. And therefore how deserving he was of the other prize.

Ben is always enthusiastic and brings joy and vitality to everything he does. He is inclusive, honest and friendly to everyone, which is what the swing should be. Also, the first time I met him he was dressed as a French maid and wearing tights. I knew from then that we would get on well.
His dancing is creative, fun and adaptable. (I even forgive him one of the most extreme accidental lindy gropes I have ever experienced on Saturday- it was in pursuit of swingovation).

In short, we love you Ben and if they had made that award “people’s choice” I bet you still would have got it.

My other special mention goes to Les and Alison. They accommodated up to 12 people in their home this weekend. They refused kitty money to go towards our food and provisions etc, and were (as always) kind, welcoming, complimentary and generous hosts.
Les and two of the other hostees even came to rescue me when my car got stuck in the ice and snow on the way to his home, shovels in hands and yaktrax on boots ready to push the car out of the ice. Thank you!

But not just dancers- as a society we are always thinking about the problems. Behavioural issues, crime, the loss of community spirit etc. But we forget how kind most people can be in everyday life, and how much community there is in other forms.

On my way back home today I stopped in a petrol station in Leeds. The weather was horrendous, and my petrol cap was blown from the top of my car to really far under my car.
A motorcyclist at another pump could see I was having trouble trying to reach something, came over and offered to help. He lay down on the dirty wet petrol station forecourt to crawl under my car for me.

It was a lovely random act of kindness: he could so easily just have biked away without a second thought.


In short. Kindness makes the world go round. It’s all very well at being good a things: be it dancing, or music, or knowing about something :)  ; but they are nothing without a smile and a helping hand when needed.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

I google imaged "kindness" because I like a good illustrative picture in a blog. And I found a kitten probably entirely traumatising a duckling in the pursuit of Cuteness. Hurray! (I hope the duckling was ok after this encounter).