Issues of Illness

Disclaimer: I can't work out of this is a waste of internet or not. If it is, don't blame me, I am nice and well-meaning.

This week I have mostly been ill.

 

Sunday and Monday

Ill in a bad stomachy way. Vomiting and that. Bad times.

Most workplaces would accept that if standing up makes one vomit, if one has gone significantly grey and is in massive abdominal agony, one is not ok to go to work in a school full of vulnerable, infectable infants. But not mine. Oh no.

Several long conversations about why I *had* to go in, meant I had to get an emergency doctor’s appointment, so a qualified professional could confirm that I definitely should have stayed at home, in bed, rather than bringing it to the surgery (although at the surgery I rather pathetically leant on the reception desk and asked to lie down with a sick bowl, rather than go to the waiting room, so I prob didn’t infect that many people. Just the receptionist, Doctor, and next few people to be in that room).

I have talked a lot on the phone to my Mum and Dad, who invariably make me cry like I have giant terminal face cancer. Having anyone be sympathetic makes me sob uncontrollably, but Mums and Dads are worst of all.

One of the first things Mum said was “Well it’d be good for you to get a few days without swallowing any fat or calories,” but I know she really meant “Aww my poor darling. I wish I could come and look after you”.

One of the more alarming things about Monday was that my gums went grey.

That’s bad right?

Tuesday

On Tuesday I mostly lay down. I think I watched 8 DVDs. I also started to panic that I might have an angry throbbing leaky appendix. But then I found out that was on the other side. So I watched another DVD. Eventually it got bored and the pain decided to holiday in my head and neck.

Wednesday

So after a morning of slightly-less-painful tummy ache and in back, neck and head pain, I decided that I was just about well enough to go out and get a prescription I needed as that was quite important. And whilst I was out I’d look for some lemon sorbet. This is the food that makes me feel better when I am poorly.

This was a MISTAKE. I realised that walking *still* made me nauseous, and that everything and everyone smelt terrible. This also makes me nauseous. BAD TIMES.

Also, they were filming an advert full of happy shoppers in Morrison’s. I was feeling very nauseous as I walked past them, hiding my grey face and bed hair. V glad I wasn’t sick in front of the camera, although that would have been a fantastic anecdote/advert out-take.

And so I staggered around Morrison’s, basically not buying much because I wanted to escape all the smelly morons who walked into me and bashed into me and things. I didn’t realise how much I must normally dodge people in supermarket.

And after all that they didn’t even have Lemon Sorbet. I actually almost cried in front of the ice cream.

Then the self-service checkout decided to hate me. I almost cried again.

Then I went home and vowed never to go out again.

But my gums became pink again!! HURRAY!

Thursday

So today I have learnt my lesson from yesterday: i.e. I am poorly. I did not even open my curtains. Like the confined invalid I am.

The disadvantages of slowly getting better, is that i'm noticing the horrific disfigurements caused by illness. THE RETURN OF THE GEOGRAPHIC TONGUE!! (kinda like...tongue rot. where taste buds just die and leave a big gap. Happens when poorly or v v stressed. mmmm), coldsores, exc...ecsth...ex...exthma...e. dry skin. It's all mightily delicious.

But I did manage to boil my own boring plain potatoes for dinner. MMM.... Bland.

Tomorrow I intend to be better. 

The End

PS LOOK AT THIS!!!!

Whilst looking for a suitably pathetic picture of a sad bunny in a blanket with a thermometer or something to illustrate my case, I found this Amazing Thing!

That would be amazing. I wonder if it can do automatic sympathy-craving facebook statuses...

new yearsy musings

So. It appears blogging happens in waves. I did have a good time at Christmas, and God-knows many things to rave about, as I battered angry old ladies and wrestled kindly vicars for the last sprouts, and muttered in a mad angry way, passively aggressively *near* shop assistants about what a stupid place to put the clotted cream and how it took me half an hour to find it. 

Also many things I should not think, about my grandmother, and her astonishing ways of insulting everyone possible at every moment available when she’s not actually sneezing or swallowing (chewing doesn’t count. Shudder). I don’t know how she dreams, but I expect dreams aren’t what they used to be, and everyone in them is misusing their time, by watching tv, using computers, talking on the phone, reading books, doing revision, making biscuits etc... Why aren’t they wooing suitable young men and playing tennis? (these are two suitable past times for young ladies).

Breathe.

It is perhaps a good thing that I did not blog during Christmas. But mostly I was too busy, as we had guests constantly, and it was all hands on deck to mop, vacuum, make mince pies etc etc.

So these are some thoughts I’ve been having more recently

PERSONAL GROOMING RELATED OPPRESSION!
If I take a long time in the bath or shower it is *not* my fault. I am forced to take a long time in order to conform to society’s expectations of women’s beauty. Ok, “beauty” may be stretching it, but appearance.

Therefore, irritating men on telly, don’t make jokes about women taking a long time to get ready to go places, if you can’t honestly say you wouldn’t form a different opinion of me if I went out like a mono-browed, moustachioed lady in tracksuit bottoms and fleece, whose puffy eyes are barely visible through the eyebrow-thicket and massive glasses.

I would *never* do this. I wouldn’t normally do this (I have been effectively conditioned!), but I fear this may have been the terrifying image which dragged her hairy knuckles through Sainsbury’s this evening, hunting and gathering for crisps. Wuuuhorraaahhhh....crrriiiisps....want crisps... ruuurrrrhur

VENUE OWNERS!!
If you have a venue, or if you are responsible for dealing with a venue. PICK UP THE FECKING PHONE!!! Did you know that sometimes there is a *PERSON* on the other side of the phone? They may want to use your venue, perchance for swing? THEY WOULD PAY YOU!!

Also, if you *do* pick up the phone and hear the word “dance” or “swing” (or even the other way round), don’t immediately dismiss it in horror with a disgusted “I don’t think we can accommodate that kind of behaviour”.  It’s not what it sounds like!!

On that subject, when approaching one possible venue I was asked if that were like pole dancing but with giant swings. Think of the friction burns!     

POST-CHRISTMAS JABBAFICATION

My aunt said this “Though sadly, the hind brain has become accustomed to Christmas eating regime and starts to panic if more than half an hour passes without food!” Troubles. I agree. Also I am largely at home at the moment (due to being useless to society and a drain on my parents) so there is nothing to stop me eating!! On the bright side though, I do have a *lot* of time to organise Leeds Swing Exchange, so Hurrah!! I am using my time for good, worthwhile things which will benefit others. Eee!!

 

I *LOVE* NORWAY (the webcomic character...)

 I have found a new favourite webcomic!! It is called Scandinavia and the World, and is all about the little personifications of countries interacting. http://satwcomic.com/everybody-can-have-boobs Hurrah! Found by the delightful Christina! Hurrah! Everyone should look.

It is sad that it isn’t the longest most exhaustive webcomic ever, so I have already looked at everything. But this is also a good thing, for my productivity...

Big new yearsy love