Issues of Illness

Disclaimer: I can't work out of this is a waste of internet or not. If it is, don't blame me, I am nice and well-meaning.

This week I have mostly been ill.

 

Sunday and Monday

Ill in a bad stomachy way. Vomiting and that. Bad times.

Most workplaces would accept that if standing up makes one vomit, if one has gone significantly grey and is in massive abdominal agony, one is not ok to go to work in a school full of vulnerable, infectable infants. But not mine. Oh no.

Several long conversations about why I *had* to go in, meant I had to get an emergency doctor’s appointment, so a qualified professional could confirm that I definitely should have stayed at home, in bed, rather than bringing it to the surgery (although at the surgery I rather pathetically leant on the reception desk and asked to lie down with a sick bowl, rather than go to the waiting room, so I prob didn’t infect that many people. Just the receptionist, Doctor, and next few people to be in that room).

I have talked a lot on the phone to my Mum and Dad, who invariably make me cry like I have giant terminal face cancer. Having anyone be sympathetic makes me sob uncontrollably, but Mums and Dads are worst of all.

One of the first things Mum said was “Well it’d be good for you to get a few days without swallowing any fat or calories,” but I know she really meant “Aww my poor darling. I wish I could come and look after you”.

One of the more alarming things about Monday was that my gums went grey.

That’s bad right?

Tuesday

On Tuesday I mostly lay down. I think I watched 8 DVDs. I also started to panic that I might have an angry throbbing leaky appendix. But then I found out that was on the other side. So I watched another DVD. Eventually it got bored and the pain decided to holiday in my head and neck.

Wednesday

So after a morning of slightly-less-painful tummy ache and in back, neck and head pain, I decided that I was just about well enough to go out and get a prescription I needed as that was quite important. And whilst I was out I’d look for some lemon sorbet. This is the food that makes me feel better when I am poorly.

This was a MISTAKE. I realised that walking *still* made me nauseous, and that everything and everyone smelt terrible. This also makes me nauseous. BAD TIMES.

Also, they were filming an advert full of happy shoppers in Morrison’s. I was feeling very nauseous as I walked past them, hiding my grey face and bed hair. V glad I wasn’t sick in front of the camera, although that would have been a fantastic anecdote/advert out-take.

And so I staggered around Morrison’s, basically not buying much because I wanted to escape all the smelly morons who walked into me and bashed into me and things. I didn’t realise how much I must normally dodge people in supermarket.

And after all that they didn’t even have Lemon Sorbet. I actually almost cried in front of the ice cream.

Then the self-service checkout decided to hate me. I almost cried again.

Then I went home and vowed never to go out again.

But my gums became pink again!! HURRAY!

Thursday

So today I have learnt my lesson from yesterday: i.e. I am poorly. I did not even open my curtains. Like the confined invalid I am.

The disadvantages of slowly getting better, is that i'm noticing the horrific disfigurements caused by illness. THE RETURN OF THE GEOGRAPHIC TONGUE!! (kinda like...tongue rot. where taste buds just die and leave a big gap. Happens when poorly or v v stressed. mmmm), coldsores, exc...ecsth...ex...exthma...e. dry skin. It's all mightily delicious.

But I did manage to boil my own boring plain potatoes for dinner. MMM.... Bland.

Tomorrow I intend to be better. 

The End

PS LOOK AT THIS!!!!

Whilst looking for a suitably pathetic picture of a sad bunny in a blanket with a thermometer or something to illustrate my case, I found this Amazing Thing!

That would be amazing. I wonder if it can do automatic sympathy-craving facebook statuses...